I had a fabulous martini tonight. I can still feel the blackberry brandy warm my bloodstream through to my bones. I'm back at my apartment, it's warm, it's quiet and I'm listening to a band I've never heard before but their introduction at this very moment couldn't be more perfect. They are exactly what I needed to be listening to right now. (For those of you who are curious, they are called Flowers of Hell--check out their myspace--www.myspace.com/flowersofhell).
I've had a lot of downs the last two days. Art student has been beaten to a pulp. Your stuff sucks, go make good stuff now is what I have been hearing from professors. Some critiques have been helpful, others, not so much. But I think I might be creeping towards the light through the door crack in this dark room that I've been working in...I know what I want to create and I have my pride for everything I want to do. Artist. I chose my path of life and I couldn't have it any other way. I would master it all if I could. I picked up a third focus...I'm doing drawing, photo, and textiles. I should be considered insane. I know I'd be a fabulous sculptor too. I'm a designer. I'm loving it all so much and although I got so down on myself after this week's crits and was afraid it would kill my motivation, I think I found by throwing everything I have into my work--my blood, my flesh, my soul--even if I create stuff that has potential but isn't quite there yet--I just want to keep searching.
On Sunday I took a photograph. It's so different than what I was working so hard to shoot on spring break. While I keep trapping myself with trying so many ideas (which isn't bad at all and I'm not going to stop) I never took any of them further. My brain is just like "Work work try this work work ooh shiny...whats that try that work work work"...i never sat down to breathe, take in the imagery and see where it would go. The photograph I took this Sunday is one that I find phenomenal beyond all measures to what my brain can actually take in--which sounds quite conceited but it's more to me than a pretty picture. Sure, it references classic romantic art with the figure yet with my tattoo and it being my bedroom it's become my self portrait. It has great contrast and nice light quality...it's pretty...but what floors me most about this photograph is that it has been hiding in me for so long. I want to create more characters, those have so much potential. But I was afraid to take that photograph. Because it was of myself...and I could have had this image all along as I struggled. I don't have all the answers but I realize that this is something that I MUST keep trying. Sure, I'm a stronger drawer. It's effortless for me, but photography didn't just introduce me to an exhilerating art form--it has affected ALL my artwork and nothing will ever be the same so I have to keep up with it. So for the rest of the semester I am going to attempt to make myself focus. Characters and self portraiture. I can play with the toys a little but I have to shoot. I will get children's books. I'll read more on Cindy Sherman and Anna Gaskell for my characters. The self portraits are my own journey. I think I can do this.
There isn't any new art in this entry. This entry might be too confusing to comprehend and might just be a "word salad" as my friend puts it. But I can tell you this. The best is yet to come. Just you wait.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment